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1. Police Academy 1-6 (not 7) Dese films iz got somefin for everyone; hilarious jokes - like when da geeza gets a blowie when him iz doin a speech, brilliant actin (da bruvva who does da human beatbox should ave got a hoscar for it and hen him do da sound of a machine gun, it iz almost az realistic az bein in Staines) and also true to life drama dat hexposes da realitiy of Police brutality. Me aint hincluded no. 7, coz da beatbox geeza aint in it and also coz it contain a factual error by sayin dat da Mafia iz from Russia when everyone know dey iz really Spanish innit. 2. The Lion King Altho Da Lion King iz a cartoon, it iz still a hard hittin and factual documentary about how aminals lives in da jungles of Jamaica. Da Director, Wart Disney, hasnıt been scared in showin horrific scenes in it, like when Simbaıs dad gets killed by dat ovver cat (dis iz a clear amalogy about Police brutality innit). Me only slight crittercism of it iz dat it shows big cats talkin, when in reality not all of dem can. Donıt watch dis amazin film when u iz depressed, coz it has some very movin bits in it dat could cause u to commit homicide. 3. Showgirls Showgirlz aint only a wikkid, believable story, wiv brilliant actin, but more himportantly, it features some of da best hairdressin I iz ever seen in a film. Too often, wot could be quality full frontal scenes, iz ruined by big flared 70's muffs. Showgirlz don't have none of dat and haz only got girlz wiv immaculate Brazilians. Hopefully if dere's a sequel, it will be even better and deyıll be fulled shaved. 4. Wild Wild West Dis iz a hilarious film wiv Will Smiff givin one of da best performances by a bruvva since Eddy Murphy starred in da hequally brilliant 'Harlem Nights'. Me has chosen it infront of dat film becoz it contain some wikkid rappin by Smiff on da track, 'Wild Wild West' and also me likes its careful and restrained use of pointless hexplosionz. 5. Pokemon: Da First Movie - Mewtoo Strikes Back Altho made mainly for a certain age group, Mewtoo Strikez Back didn't just appeal to adultz, but woz also a surprise hit wiv kidz as well. Da hanimation in dis film iz amazin - it iz almost like all da characters on da Pokemon cardz has come alive and started movin. 6. Waterworld When dis woz made it woz da most hexpensive film ever and cost 300 billion squid. Da majority of dis went on payin to flood an ocean and da ovver 250 billion woz Kevin Conster's wages. It woz well worf it. Conster iz perfect for da role him play in it, not only coz he iz brilliant at actin, but also him woz lucky enuf to ave been born wiv webbed feet. 7. Barb Wire Dis iz a wikkid film dat iz based on a true story dat appened in da year 2017. I aint hexactly sure wot it iz about, but it star dat really fit bitch out of Baywatch wiv da amazin babylonz. It has probly done more for womenz lib dan any ovver film and me reckon could only have been himproved if she had maybe said less wordz and shown a bit more skin. 8. Cool As Ice Altho Vanila Ice has been slagged off a bit by some people for his rhymes (which, hadmittedly, woz a bit slack for a while back in early '91), him iz da bomb in dis gritty film about some rapperz whose motorbikes break down, which leadz him to bone dis girl. Me favourite line in it iz when him says to dis bitches boyfriend, "drop dat zero and get wiv da hero". Me man Tupac would ave been proud of dat. 9. Howard The Duck Dis film iz amazin, coz not only did dey manage to breed a three foot hugh duck, but dey also managed to train it to speak az well. Da story hinvolves Howard Da Duck comin to Earf from annover planet (Dis bit me fink dey hactually faked) and sortin out dis fit girl who iz in a rubbish band. It iz very sad when him leaves her at da end. Dis story iz been nicked by worse films dat woz made afterwards like ET. 10. Jaws 4 Altho da first few Jaws flims aint all dat, by da time dey made da fourf dey woz really gettin dere shit togetha. Me still has nightmares about da bit where dey iz in da sea and den, completely hunexpectedly, dis big shark appearz and den if dat werenıt bad enuf it only goes and eats people. To dis day, me swear I will never go swimmin in Hollywood where dese attacks appened and instead would choose places on da ovver side of da world like Ostaralia.  |
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INSIDE IOFILM
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