Recipe for a disastrous film: Base it on a game made popular more than 15 years ago; discard as worthless such non-essential elements as comprehensible plot, rounded characters and intelligent-or even plausible-dialogue in favour of computer-designed digital effects; direct actors to either chomp scenery in an hysterical frenzy or deliver their lines as lugubriously as possible; blatantly steal from your betters (in this case Star Wars); and make sure all villains have English accents...

What was Jeremy Irons thinking when he signed on to Toronto-born director Courtney Solomon's adventure/fantasy? He plays the evil Profion, a "Mage"-a group of aristocrats with magical powers-determined to wrest control of the kingdom of Izmer from peaceful, platitude-spouting Empress Savina (American Beauty's Thora Birch, purveyor of an acting style as wooden as her name would suggest). Aligned against Profion is a pair of peasant-thieves, Ridley and Snails (Justin Whalin and Marlon Wayans, respectively, who appear to be auditioning for Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure), and bookish Marina, a good Mage who trades in her specs for the role of defender of Savina's ideas of freedom and democracy. Profion and his minions and our motley heroes are determined to locate and secure a magical sceptre that will allow the holder to control the feared flying dragons, thereby assuring the winner of ultimate power. After much to-ing and fro-ing, things come to a head with a monumental "good dragon vs. bad dragon" clash, a scene that, were it at the end of a decent film, might serve as a heart-pounding climax. Here it has all the appeal of a mediocre-and very loud-video game.

The shameless parallels to Star Wars are quickly apparent. Ridley is Luke Skywalker (even though Keanu Reeves look-a-like Whalin makes Mark Hamill look buff and dashing), Profion is Darth Vader, Empress Savina is Princess Leia, and Snails, in a vaguely offensive way-as he is played by the only black member of the principal cast-provides the "comic" relief of an R2D2 or a C3PO. Dungeons and Dragons even has a bar scene populated by an assortment of strange-looking creatures. But that's where the comparisons end, because this oddly violent film isn't really fit to be mentioned in the same breath as George Lucas' landmark.

Essentially a series of digital-effects set pieces tied together by chase and/or fight scenes, D and D is so far off the mark that it almost qualifies as camp, a situation enhanced by the presence of Rocky Horror creator Richard O'Brien in a cameo role. Lines like Ridley's, "I'd love to find a way to give the Mages some payback!" (I can just picture the filmmakers in a quandary over whether or not to add the "dude!" that should follow...) or the Empress Savina's howler of a final statement, "People of Izmer! I now declare you all equal! Let the celebration begin," add to the camp factor, but calling it camp would be giving this film too much credit. Dungeons and Dragons doesn't quite qualify for the "it's so bad that it's good" genre; it's just plain bad.

I can't help but wonder what audience the filmmakers had in mind when they set out to make this film. Fans of the 1980s' game are far too old now to be interested in the mindless approach to plot and character on display, and the film is too violent for children. Although, come to think of it, on every other level it displays an intelligence comparable to that of a six-year-old (I may be insulting six-year-olds here). As near as I can guess, the targeted demographic would be a subset of 15-year-old boys-the ones who've never seen a fantasy/adventure film before and are therefore not about to apply standards of any kind to what they see. I doubt if that small subset of lads will allow the producers to recoup their investment. At least I hope not, lest they unleash a sequel upon us...