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People Say I'm Crazy rating 
3.5/5 People Say I'm Crazy

   
Director John Cadigan
Running time 84 minutes
Country US
Year 2003
Associated shops

Reviewed by Rebort

John Cadigan's video diary offers an intimate and candid view of living with schizophrenia. Cadigan, a softly-spoken San Franciscan, was diagnosed with schizophrenia by the time he was 24. The documentary charts how over the next ten years he found his way back to a level of health where he could lead a relatively normal life with a studio practice as a talented woodcut artist.

The film, which has a home-video feel about it, was made on the instigation and with the support of his filmmaker sister, Katie, as a form of therapy. It is an achievement in itself, especially as Cadigan clearly has doubts in the course of making it about what he is doing. At one point he even starts thinking Katie, a pillar of his support structure, is more interested in furthering her own career than in helping him. "I wanted to say fuck you, and I'm feeling awful, and I can't make a film, " he says.

But made it he did.

Cadigan traces his illness back to High school where he went from "top athlete" and "most popular" in the 5th grade at High School 6th grade (12-year-olds) where he was "most quiet". At his senior year of art college he had his psychotic breakdown and dropped out.

Diagnosed with refractory schizophrenia (the "incurable" kind) he was soon on heavy duty "meds" which had the side-effect of adding 100lbs to his weight.

If your image of schizophrenia is Ed Norton talking in voices to himself, this is very different. Cadigan struggles with paranoia ("They're Out to get me," he says, again and again), is afflicted with violent thoughts against those close to him and loss of self-confidence. "I can't trust my own perceptions," he says, on more than one occasion. Even a trip to the end of the corridor can be a scary proposition.

Although a serious matter, Cadigan battles his condition with humour (hence the title) and creativity. A talented woodcutter, he takes us through the process of creating his ornate art in his studio.

Pen in hand he depicts for us his daily routine on a chart. "Morning dread" followed by "prime naptime"....

He speeds up the footage of a lunch visit to his dad's to describe how the whole meal was spent anguishing over why he was never offered potato halves when the food was being served.

Some of the most poignant parts of the film are in Cardigan's interactions with fellow mental health sufferers and seeing the joy in his family's faces when he reaches a new milestone of success in his life, like public speaking.

It would be interesting to see a follow-up on how effective video is in the treatment for people suffering from these health conditions. Here the film ends on a high note, suggesting that the experience is a positive one.

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